Annie
Wildpanther
Jokes on men 
... on marriage
1.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2.Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
3.When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
4.My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got two girlfriends.
5.A husband said to his wife,
"No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
6.A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
7.The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
8.Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
9.How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done.
10.A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
11.A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."
12.A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
13.Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
14.The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
15.Cosmetics: A woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.
16.Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute
17.Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!
18.First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
19.Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.
20.Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
21.When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car
is new or the wife.
22.Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After
marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
23.Bachelors should pay more taxes, they enjoy a better quality of life.
Marriage is a three ring circus:
engagement ring
wedding ring
suffering
- What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What Men Know About Women"
- What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature
- What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up
- How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares
- How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know... it has never happened
- What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum
- What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack of beer
- What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted !
- What did God say after he created man?
I can do better
- What are two reasons men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind 2. No business
- What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist
- Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal?
He bronzed it
- How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy and wearable"
- Only a man could buy a $400 car and put a $4000 stereo in it
- Why did God create man?
He needed to practice
- Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost, at least she will ask for directions
... on marriage
1.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2.Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
3.When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
4.My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got two girlfriends.
5.A husband said to his wife,
"No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
6.A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
7.The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
8.Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
9.How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done.
10.A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
11.A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."
12.A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
13.Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
14.The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
15.Cosmetics: A woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.
16.Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute
17.Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!
18.First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
19.Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.
20.Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
21.When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car
is new or the wife.
22.Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After
marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
23.Bachelors should pay more taxes, they enjoy a better quality of life.
Marriage is a three ring circus:
engagement ring
wedding ring
suffering
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